Infertility: support from friends and family is priceless

I have so many thoughts on infertility and this is hopefully the first post of many. My goal is to laugh and cry with others who are going through similar situations and to help my friends and family know and understand what I am going through and that I am OK. I know my friends and family want to support me and be there for me. I hope that my blogging will give them a better understanding of how I feel and how I appreciate their love and support. I get comfort from friends and family who are going through or have gone through a similar journey but I also gain comfort and much support from even my most fertile friends and family. I feel from everyone around me how badly they want me to know the joys of motherhood and for that I thank them. From really young family members who tell me I will be a really fun mom to my grandma who already has sewn receiving blankets for my future little ones, I love that everyone is sharing in my dream of being a mother.I could go on and on of examples from friends and family that show me they want it for me too. They tell me all the time how they cant wait for me to be a mom, I share with them that feeling. I honestly love it when others talk about my future babies and me as a mom. It is my biggest goal and dream! It is guaranteed to make me smile when those around me talk about my future babies. I don't know if its because my friends have new babies or if its just always on my mind but lately I have felt the need to PREPARE to be a mom. As I was thinking about how to prepare and what I need to do I realized I have the best examples all around me. I know that for some going through infertility it is hard to be around other babies because it is a painful reminder of what you don't have but for the most part I haven't experienced that. Which I am grateful for. My friends and relatives that are moms are so amazing! I look up to them and hope to be as good of a mom as they are. I know that being around these mothers I am being prepared to be a momma. Sometimes I am sad that I don't get to share the joys of motherhood with them but I realize that because of my situation I have the opportunity to learn from them longer. Even though I don't understand what it is like to be pregnant or be a mom I enjoy their conversations because it prepares me. I can tell that sometimes people hesitate around me when talking about motherhood or pregnancy. Sometimes I think I get quiet and reserved but lately I see it in a new light. I see it as an opportunity to gain as much knowledge from them as possible. Since this feeling of the need to PREPARE to be a mom I have been paying a lot closer attention to what they do. Its amazing how much I am learning! I still feel that I will never feel prepared to be a mom but I think its important that when life gives you lemons make lemonade. Why waste time feeling sorry for myself and not going around cute babies when I could be preparing to be the best mom I can be. My dream is to be a mom so I know I will accomplish it one way or another. That knowledge has gotten me through hard times. I KNOW I will be a mom. I am learning patience which I wasn't good at in the beginning but honestly Im getting better at it. I never thought that would happen. I know however that If I want something I have to work for it. I know people have good intent but the comment, "just relax" "don't stress" "stop trying" "if you relax you will get pregnant" really bugs me. It bothers me for a few reasons. 1. I've tried not trying to get pregnant. After a year and a half of trying it got really stressful so we decided to take a break for awhile so if that advice was true I would be pregnant. 2. Getting pregnant is my DREAM. I am going to do EVERYTHING possible to make my dream come true, so of course Im going to try and go through stressful things to try to make it happen. and of course im going to stress because ive failed at getting pregnant SO many times before. And relax? You try relaxing when you have to give yourself a shot in your belly EVERY day. 3. When someone tells you that they are having a hard time getting pregnant and you say my sisters friends uncle tried for 10 years and got pregnant when they stopped trying.You are essentially telling me to give up NOW and I've only been trying for Four years. I don't want to stop trying. I still have hope, it would be impossible to "stop trying" at this point in my journey. Okay I didn't want to rant but I think its important people understand WHY that comment in particular is so frustrating. I hear it the most. I know people don't mean for it to be rude but it really is.  Advice isn't the best thing to give out when you just learn of their struggles. Just listen. Later on if you know something that really may be helpful then yeah you should share. By then though you will probably know what they have tried. I know I did say that it wasn't hard for me to be around babies but I did have one experience somewhat recently. I was holding a newborn and just started crying. I was a little confused because I always thought I wouldn't be that girl who couldn't be around babies because of infertility. Maybe it was because I hadn't held a newborn in awhile and my infertility journey just keeps getting longer. The longer time goes on and the more times we fail to get pregnant the harder it gets. In the beginning you tell yourself, its only been a year and it takes a lot of people this long to get pregnant. Well now it has been 4 years so the thoughts of my infertility change. I do think it was maybe difficult to hold a baby but honestly I think maybe the biggest reason I started crying was because I got the feeling that someday I WILL get to hold a newborn and that baby will be MY newborn. Other than that one experience of crying while holding that beautiful baby girl It hasn't been too terribly difficult to be around babies. Maybe that will change as time goes on but for now I am glad I can be around all of my friends new babies and enjoy them. I am sad that others going through infertility have a difficult time being around babies. I can see how it would be difficult. Well this post is getting to be incredibly long, I am grateful for all the mothers around me. I know that when it is my turn to be a mom I have so many resources!! I am really doing okay. Yes some of the things I have to go through are hard but its also my dream, so of course I am excited through this process!! Me and Gavin are doing everything we can to accomplish our dreams! I appreciate very much everyone's Love and countless prayers. Thank you!! We love you!