Embryo Transfer day 5

I have now reached the end of my calendar schedule! Looking back it went by fast but when I was going through it I thought this day would never come! I can't believe right now I have two cute little embryos inside of me. My egg transfer wasn't until 1:30 pm and I thought it would be in the morning. I thought the day would drag on forever but it actually turned out to go fairly quick. I was in a lot of pain from all the bloating and my chest hurt really bad(side effects from having so many eggs at retrieval(53)). I got up and showered and packed our bags for the long trip home. I had my daily whey protein shake and then Gavin's sisters made me rice bags with Lavendar and Lemon Oil in them :D Those helped a TON with my shoulder and chest pain. We went to Target and I got a ton more gatorade(the only thing the doc wants me to drink), whey protein, Fluffy socks!(thanks Becca and Haley), and a gift for my sweet sister who will be taking care of me all week. We were completely prepared for egg transfer. The car was cleaned and organized, I had a blanket and nice pillow ready and a relaxing playlist made on my ipod for after transfer. We went to Zuppas for lunch and it was my first time there. It was DELICOUS!! Im officially addicted now. We headed to the fertility center after lunch and arrived in plenty of time. We checked in and waited for a little bit. A nurse brought out some Valium for me to take. Even with the valium I was starting to get pretty nervous. I hadn't been nervous really up to this point for transfer but then I started thinking it through in my mind. I was a little worried it would hurt and I just didn't know what it was going to be like. I had so many questions for the doc about all the pain I have been in and wondered if they wouldn't do the transfer because of how I had been feeling.

A nurse called my name and I realized it was really here. We went into the procedure room and I sat in the chair on the side, the nurse smiled and said you're gonna be over here. I nervously laughed and eyed the stirrups. She left and I got ready. It seemed to be happening faster than I thought it would. I expected to talk about everything before I got dressed down. Dr. came in and showed us our first pictures of our babies :D I was excited to see those. We had 5 embryos that were ready to be transferred. A bunch that they would watch for a few days and freeze any that progressed. He then told us to choose how many we wanted to transfer. AH! I wasn't ready to make such a big decision. I thought it was already established how many were going to be transferred. We always assumed we would transfer two so it didn't take long for Gavin and I to decide. He said thats what he would do too. It maximizes our chances of getting pregnant and if we did have twins that they do really well. We definitely didn't want to transfer 3 because triplets dont do as well and we want a healthy baby. We could still have triplets if both embryos implant and one splits but its not way likely. 

It was kind of like getting a pap smear. It wasn't very comfortable but it wasn't painful either. They moved my head down a lot and so I was kind of upside down. There was a nurse that had an ultrasound on my belly to see the uterus. Gavin was sitting right next to me and we were both able to watch the ultrasound. The embryologist brought in two of our embryos and then Dr. placed them into my uterus. You could see the air bubbles around them in the uterus. They carefully scooted me to the top of the bed and leveled out the bed. I was to lay there for 20 minutes. Just Gavin and I in the room. I couldn't help myself and finally realized it was really happening. I have two little babies in my uterus. I had tears streaming down my face and I was so happy and excited. The nurse came in to give me some instructions and asked if I was okay and Gavin said yes they are happy tears. She held my hand and sat in a chair close to my face. She told me it was a great feeling to finally be to the point to where I was after the long road we have been on. She was so sweet and nice and wonderful. She went through the list of things that I need to do for the next couple of weeks. I have been so excited since the end of that procedure. Im so so so so excited. I thought I wouldn't be excited until after my pregnancy test in two weeks but Im actually very excited now! I have two fertilized embryos inside of me! Im so happy!!! Now Im just supposed to relax and take it easy. I am to be on bed rest for two days after egg transfer and then lift no more than ten pounds for a couple weeks. Also no exercise or doing anything that would make my uterus contract. I have read a lot of things on the internet and surprised when I found  alot of people say that there is no need for bed rest after embryo transfer. I say, why chance it. Do what your doctor tells you to do. My doctor has a higher statistic than the national average so Im just going to do exactly as he says. Its hard to be down and doing nothing for so long but really when I remember why im doing it then it becomes easy!!! Just relaxing and enjoying this time to think positive thoughts! :D 

I will know in 13 days if im pregnant or not :D yay!!! 

Love love! 

Gina

Having HOPE through infertility

Today is Sunday and while at church I was thinking of a couple of scriptures and a word that has helped me with infertility. Recently we had a FHE with our friends and the definition of HOPE was read. Definition- Hope is the confident expectation of and longing for the promised blessings of righteousness. I LOVE this definition. It is spot on of how I feel . And how I SHOULD feel. It even has the word "longing for". I always thought that when you hope for something it just meant you wanted it. HOPE is much more than wanting something. It is a CONFIDENT EXPECTATION. I should EXPECT the promised blessings my heavenly father has promised. It seems like I should have figured this out a long time ago. I think deep down I knew all of this but it wan't until I heard this definition it became so CLEAR. Having children is a commandment from God. Genesis 1:28, "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth......". Therefore it is a righteous longing for. This leads me to a scripture that has been a comfort to me through this process. 1 Nephi 3:7. "....I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." Awhile ago I attended the temple with the purpose of starting a family. I had some time to wait and came across this scripture. I felt so strongly the truthfulness of what Nephi says. In my case the Lord has prepared the technology of IVF so I could keep the commandment found in the scriptures. Im very grateful the Lord has guided us to find our doctor and those that are helping us start our family. Im early in this journey but see the Lords hand in my life guiding us. For some people the Lord has made it possible for them to adopt. For others they are able to conceive naturally. However it is, he Lord will prepare a way. This scripture has comforted me through many heartaches and helped me to accept the news that we would be doing IVF. I am also aware that through prayer the Lord has guided us to the point we are. I know that if we keep that line of communication open with our Father in Heaven he will help us find the way he has prepared for us to fulfill those things he has commanded. I have been blessed through this process with faith. I have received many priesthood blessings and in one I was blessed to be able to have the faith I need to have a family. At first I thought it was an interesting thing to be blessed with. I guess I thought I had to have faith all on my own and kind of thought I already did. So when I was blessed with it I was a little surprised but I am ever so grateful for that blessing. With FAITH miracles happen. Ether 12:12, "For if there be no faith among the children of men God can do no miracle among them; wherefore he showed not himself until after their faith." I find so much comfort from the scriptures, the power of the priesthood(in particular priesthood blessings), and most of all my Savior. There is also the story of Rachel and the story of Sara that show infertility is not new to the world. There is something to learn from going through these experiences and Heavenly Father has a purpose for all of us. Im grateful for my infertility and the things I have learned from it. I pray that I can continue to be blessed with the hope and faith I need to endure to the end. :D I do have a confident expectation that I will be a mother because the Lord has promised that blessing to me and I LONG to be a righteous and loving mother some day.
Love,
Gina

DAY 3 Embryos (a Buttload)

Yesterday my embryos were at day 3! It is a significant day in embryo growth. The Embryologist will look at them under the microscope and see how many of them are progressing at the right rate. They want the embryos to be between 6-10 cells on day 3. I waited ALL day for that phone call :D I of course called them first at 3 to make sure they hadn't forgotten about me. They ended up calling me around 6. I was with my sister-in-laws in the car. We were stopped luckily because Haley was so excited she probably would have had to pull over anyways to look at the numbers I was writing down. It was fun to be with them to get the news. I have seriously loved going through this process with all my family and to see their excitement too. Carolee(my niece that is 9) said the dinner prayer last night and prayed for us to be able to have a baby. It was super cute and I have been told by other siblings and friends that their kids pray for us to have babies too. So sweet. I know we have had so much success because of all the faith and prayers from so many people in our cause. Thank YOU! So lets here about more of this success. We heard Thursday that 39 fertilized and yesterday they told me how many are in the right range. Here are the numbers. 

1 9-cell 

14 8-cell(I believe the exact words of my IVF coordinator were "a buttload of 8-cells")

2 7-cell

9 6-cell

Yay!!!!! We have 26 Embryos in normal range at this point!!!! Like my sister said, "Grow babies grow!!" My coordinator was very optimistic about having plenty of embryos to be able to freeze some. That is wonderful news. I never realized how hard IVF is on your body, I know its different for everyone but Im hopeful I wont have to go through the whole entire process again. I saw a cute onsie that said "I survived the ICE AGE". Hahaha my future babies will be tough kiddos ;) Even though this process can be uncomfortable there are many things to relieve symptoms though and survive this short time of treatment. I enjoy a daily French Vanilla Whey protein shake with a banana, peanut butter, ice and a little water(mixed by the one and only blend tech). I keep a gatorade with me at all times and replenish those electrolytes. I don't drink anything besides gatorade, powerade, propel, and my morning whey protein smoothie of course. My blue heating blanket has become my new best friend. The recliner has become my bed and helped me breathe through the night. I also eat TONS of fiber throughout the day. Different kinds of fruit, fiber bars, fiber supplement and on Saturday MiraLax saved my life. (TMI but If it helps someone else who becomes "backed up" from the meds its worth it to tell you). Also my hubby(such a sweetheart) has been rubbing my shoulders and back with an analgesic menthol rub(over the counter). For some reason my shoulders ache and my back. It feels similar to when I had my laparascopy and all the gases were leaving my body though my shoulders. I've also noticed Im always hungry. Not sure why but I just want to eat all the time! Even when Im stuffed. I look huge and the eating probably doesn't help but Im just going to embrace everything! ALL of this is WORTH IT for a chance at my dream. 

EAT AVACODOS. Why? because they are simply delicous. Also I have read on many sites that eating avacodos "triples" your chance of IVF working. Nobody from my doctors office has said anything about eating avacodos and I think that if it really tripled your chance of it working they would have told me. BUT I figure, why not? I love them anyways so im going to eat them! 

Baby dust to all!! Tomorrow is a big and exciting day for us!! Two beautiful embryos will be placed in my uterus. Our appointment is at one p.m. They told me they will give me valium when we get there and then after the procedure I will need to lay there for 20 minutes before we leave. We are driving all the way home to St. George right after and picking up my sister in Richfield on the way. The doctor said it was okay and to just recline the seat back and put my feet up. Tomorrow in my eyes I will be pregnant for the first time. I know I will have two fertilized embryos inside of me. There is a lot of responsibility I feel already. I just want to take care of them and I want them to grow and be healthy. Thanks again for all YOUR prayers and thoughts. LOVE LOVE!!

Gina 

39 baby Rombergers!!!!

The babysitter(Embryologist) finally called!!! They retrieved 53 eggs yesterday at retrieval and out of those 41 were mature!! The did ICSI on all 41 and today 39 were actually fertilized!!! Those are GREAT numbers!! They expect about half of those to make it to a blastocyst(day 5). The two that look their best will be transferred on Monday afternoon most likely. Then they will freeze all the other good eggs! We are sooo excited!!! Right now I have 39 baby Rombergers!!! I love my babies already!! I think it will be neat if I can have all of my children from this batch. When my kids are older I will be able to tell them that they were ALL conceived on the SAME day! Jan 22 2014!! hahaha that makes for a confused child on how a baby is made. I love it though and am so excited to start bringing these sweet children into the world. So if I over time have all my children from the same batch then they would technically be considered triplets octuplets etc. It makes for an interesting story. Maybe I will have twins 3 times. That would be great. 6 kids pregnant 3 times. I am so excited to see what the future holds. Thought I would share with you my exciting news!!!
Im still super super bloated and uncomfortable and will start having side effects from progesterone Yay... but its ALL worth it!
I came across this article today on surviving the 2 week wait. Here it is:
 http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/pregnancy-after-infertility/surviving-the-2-week-wait.html
Here are some of my thoughts. I have already told Gavin that if it doesn't work that he just needs to remind me its all a process and it takes most couples 3 rounds of IVF to get one BFP(Big Fat Positive). So I feel mentally ready if it doesn't work. I will still be devastated but I will also have hope at the same time. Also I have told Many Many Many people about my cycle. I have decided I will just announce my pregnancy very early. If I am not pregnant I am ok to tell people it didn't work. I don't think the questions will be too hard. I think it is nice people are thinking of me and I know their prayers and words can comfort and help heal my heart. For me it is more stressful to try and keep everything so secretive(doing IVF, when we are doing IVF, If im pregnant, if im not pregnant, how im feeling, etc) No I dont share updates on Facebook but my friends and family all know what is going on in our lives and it has been a blessing beyond measure. I think that if we have to do it again I might not tell people when because now that I have been through it once I know I can do it. Im not scared of the unknown anymore and hopefully next time will just be a frozen embryo transfer so it wont entail as much and it will be cheaper. Anywho I am just taking it easy the next few weeks and relaxing. My sister is so sweet and taking time off of work to come stay with me and take care of me. My doctor wants me to be on bed rest for the first two days after egg Transfer. Only get up to use the restroom. And then I am on a weight restraint after that so I am not working for 3 weeks total. It will be nice to have my sister here to hang out with and keep me behaving. I know I will want to get up but she will make sure I do everything in my power to make her an auntie. So I will have plenty of time to look through more baby names and read what to expect when you are expecting and decide how to announce my pregnancy.

Good luck to everyone going through infertility. May the lines be ever in your favor ;)
Love
Gina

2 Weeks Pregnant!

There are 40 weeks of pregnancy. The first two weeks are actually BEFORE conception. So technically since my babies were conceived yesterday at around 10 am I am two weeks and one day pregnant!! Only 38 more weeks to go! And the countdown begins! Now to wait, and wait, and wait. Im used to the waiting game when it comes to having a baby though so nothing new! Today I am waiting eagerly for a phone call to find out how many of my eggs actually fertilized. Gah!

I mentioned in my  post yesterday how I was feeling. Update: I did not sleep well at all last night. I don't think I was as aware as I needed to be of post egg retrieval. It is normal to be soooo incredibly bloated especially when you have over 20 eggs retrieved. I had 53! So needless to say I slept on the recliner because I couldn't lay flat and breathe at the same time. Kind of important to breathe. I woke up a few times in the night to pee and because I was so uncomfortable. I am now a little more comfortable with a heating pad and drinking lots of gatorade and taking my fiber and whey protein.

Interestingly there are NOT very many ideas on pinterest on how to announce an IVF pregnancy. It isn't the same as announcing a regular pregnancy because pretty much everyone I know already knows we are doing IVF so they are just waiting with me to find out if its positve or negative. They want to know as soon as I do and I know I can't keep secrets. Therefore I plan on telling super early that Im pregnant. Normally I would wait 14 weeks but IVF isn't the same. I will be missing 3 weeks of work due to the nature of my job (lifting heavy instruments, pushing carts, pulling, holding retractors, on my feet for 12 hours). So when I go back to work I will have JUST found out myself if I am preggers or not. I want to announce almost immediately because EVERYONE will be asking anyways. I can't lie and say it didn't work. I have thought about saying, "I will let you know when there is something to share" but that just tells them Im pregnant. I had the same kind of issues when I debated whether or not to tell people we were doing IVF. I wanted to keep it a secret so I could surprise everyone but it is such a process. It was hard to just have normal conversations with friends and not tell them the thing I was thinking about 100 percent of the time. I have been so glad with my choice to just tell everyone. I have received so much support its been a huge blessing. We have had so many people praying and fasting for us. I know it helps. It was a super hard decision and is different for everyone but if you are debating telling people just know It was a wonderful experience for me and I am very happy I have told so many people. I think one of the fears is if it doesn't work. But the way I see it that if it doesn't work I am going to go through a sad phase and I am typically a very happy person. I want people to know what I am going through so they understand why I am sad and can help me by allowing me to be sad for a bit. I also think that if Im going to be pregnant even if its just for a short time I want to finally share in the enjoyment of announcing it! If I waited and lost the pregnancy before I had the chance to announce it I think I would be even more devastated. So there are some of the reasons I have chosen to do the things I've done and will do.

Wishing baby dust to everyone who is ttc. LOVE YOU ALL and again thanks for reading my story :)

Gina

Egg Retrieval Jan 22, Special day!!! 53 EGGS!!! SHOCKING!!!

So in my last post I mentioned I expected around 25 follicles. WELL we doubled it just for fun. We got 53 EGGS!!! We were SO shocked! And DELIGHTED. Im hoping I wont ever have to go through an entire cycle again but there are still a lot of factors. Not all of those eggs are likely mature. The statistic is around 60-70 percent will be mature eggs. They must be mature to do ICSI(Intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection). Out of those mature eggs they will perform ICSI on all of them(if you are doing ICSI which we are, not everyone has to do this) and then one day later look at them under a microscope to see how many fertilize. About 60% of the mature eggs will fertilize. THEN they let them grow til day 3 and look at them again. More will not make it to this point. About 40% of fertilized eggs in women under 35 will turn into blastocysts(Day 5 embryos). The two best looking embryos will be transferred to my uterus and hopefully will implant. Statistics are that I have about a 60 % chance of IVF working for me(meaning implant into my uterus and result in a BFP-Big Fat Positive) and I roughly have a 30% chance of having twins :D (crossing my fingers)

53 EGGS at first sounds wonderful BUT because normally your body produces ONE egg every month and the average amount of eggs for IVF patients to have retrieved at egg retrieval is 8-15, I do have a higher possibility of getting OHSS(Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome). I think the main drug that causes it is the trigger shot of HCG 36 hours before egg retrieval. Which happens to be your most important shot of the many you have to give yourself through IVF. OHSS is categorized into Mild, Moderate, and Severe. Right now I feel that I am experiencing mild symptoms which is what most women will likely experience if they get hyperstimulated. However other women are less fortunate and have to be hospitalized when symptoms turn severe. Currently I am very very bloated. Clear up to my ribs. It is very uncomfortable. My doctor has me taking 30 grams of whey protein everyday which should help supress the symptoms of OHSS. Also I am drinking gatorade and propel exclusively to replenish my electrolytes(also ordered by doc). In addition I am suppose to be taking fiber daily due to the high levels of estrogen in my system which can lead to constipation. (sorry TMI). Overall though I am doing great. Taking tylenol every six hours to help with the mild cramping. Today I started taking my doxycyline and medrol. Tomorrow I will begin taking endometrin 3 times a day to get my uterus ready for my babies!!! It should help with implantaion. I did have a four and a half hour drive home after egg retrieval. It wasn't bad, I was uncomfortable from being so bloated but that wouldn't have changed no matter where I was. I bought some heating patches for my belly and we also stopped at my dads in Meadow and Gavin took a two hour nap for the rest of the drive. I fell asleep too and had really weird dreams, I remember waking up and positive there was a fire and meadow was evacuated haha. Anyways when we got home I got situated on the couch with a heating pad and Gavins mom brought us cafe rio salads for dinner. YUM!!!

We will head back up north friday night or saturday morning and egg transfer will take place on Monday morning as long as everything goes as planned. We are very excited and hopeful. Hoping 2014 will be our year to start our family :)

I came across a website that explains OHSS in better words and detail than I can so I will copy and paste it here if you are interested in reading more about it:  http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007294.htm

Normally, a woman produces one egg per month. Some women who have trouble getting pregnant may be given medicines to help them make more eggs.

If these medicines stimulate the ovaries too much, the ovaries can become very swollen. Fluid can leak into the belly and chest area. This is called ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS). OHSS occurs only after the eggs are released from the ovary (ovulation).

You may be more likely to get OHSS if:

• Your doctor gives you a shot of human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG)
• You get more than one dose of hCG after ovulation
• You become pregnant during this cycle

OHSS rarely occurs in women who only take fertility drugs by mouth.

OHSS affects up to 1 in 10 women who go through in vitro fertilization.

Other risk factors for OHSS include:

• Age younger than 35
• Very high estrogen level during fertility treatments
• Polycystic ovarian syndrome

The symptoms of OHSS can range from mild to severe. Most women with the condition have mild symptoms such as:

• Abdominal bloating
• Mild pain in the abdomen
• Weight gain

In rare cases, women can have more serious symptoms, including:

• Significant weight gain (more than 10 pounds in 3 - 5 days)
• Severe pain or swelling in the belly area
• Decreased urination
• Shortness of breath

Egg meets Sperm

Tomorrow Egg meets sperm. Finally!! Tomorrow will be such a special day. My babies are going to be made! I'm ever so grateful for the technology of IVF. Years ago if people had trouble getting pregnant they didn't have this option. It's becoming more and more common as infertility increases. I am feeling so much excitement right now. I can't believe I am already done with shots and TOMORROW is egg retrieval. I will be leaving to go North today and have about a four hour drive. My retrieval is at 7 am. I have to be there at 6:30, so it will be like going to work. Im used to getting up early and I kind of feel like a kid on Christmas eve. I feel like my life is about to change forever. We will learn so much about your eggs tomorrow, the quality, the quantity, how many are fertilized. What we learn tomorrow will be key in our future fertility journey. If the eggs are scarred from endometriosis I have the possiblitiy of never being able to have my own children. Although I feel very strongly that is NOT the case. But it will still be nice to finally have some more answers that are only discovered once taking a good look at the eggs under a microscope. I am very relaxed today and don't have very much anxiety. I am trying to prepare for the upcoming weeks by getting my house cleaned, doing laundry, eating healthy, grocery shopping, packing, showering, praying, exercising faith and trust in the Lord, and mentally preparing for all the possibilities. I feel ready.

I want to tell you that if I could take all this away and just conceive a child naturally or on my own a few years ago when we started trying, I wouldn't. I realize how difficult it can be to be a mother. Heavenly Father knows me. He knows that I needed to go through this to be a better mother. (I am NOT implying that everyone who goes through infertility wouldn't be an exceptional mother and that is why they aren't getting pregnant, I am simply telling you it is one of the reasons why GINA has gone through all of this, remember everyone's infertility story is different and that means reasons are different too, some people I have talked to say they know they didn't get pregnant because they were supposed to have the adopted child first, its different for everyone.)   I admire my friends who get pregnant so easily because I know that Heavenly Father knows them and knows that they are exceptional mothers. I look at them and know how much strength they have. I am so grateful to know that Heavenly Father is in control of everything. I have prayed to be a good mother. I recognize that Heavenly Father answers our prayers. I didn't realize this before but I do now. By waiting to give me my precious children I have developed so much love for them already and I will be a better mom. I am so grateful for a God who answers prayers. There are so many other reasons too that I feel I have gone through all of this. Going through this has been difficult for both me and Gavin. We have strengthened our marriage by helping each other go through the pains of infertility. I also know a strong marriage is also going to help us be better parents. We have learned how important family is to us. The things we have to go through and sacrifice for a chance, thats right a chance, at having a baby proves to ourselves that we really do put family first. The money we spend, the driving up north, the shots in the belly, all the appointments, all that it entails. We are willing because it is of highest importance to us. There has been no question in our mind if we will go through with whatever we have to in order to start our family.

I am happy. This is part of my story and I love it. (Most of the time)

What I am feeling physically right now:
At my last ultrasound my ovaries measured about 7 cm. Probably between the size of a baseball and softball. On Sunday I was very uncomfortable and kind of miserable. I realized half way through the day I was having hot flashes as a result from taking the Lupron. Once I realized that I also realized I had been experiencing them for a few days. I am SUPER bloated and have been for a over a week. I look preggers haha Speaking of preggers I had my FIRST EVER POSITIVE PREGNANCY test. Don't get too excited. Its from the "trigger" shot you take 36 hours before egg retrieval. It is an HCG shot hence the positive pregnancy test. You take it and call the office so they know you absorbed it. Anyways I was still excited to have a positive pregnancy test. All those months I so badly wanted that second line to show through it finally did this morning. Change of pace was nice. My belly is super sore to the touch from the many shots I have taken the last few weeks. Giving someone a hug, mostly children(that perfect height where their head pushes right into your belly)  hurts because of the squeezing of the belly. Sitting down is initially is a painful process. I try to not bend when sitting in the car. I keep my legs straight and slide into the drivers seat haha Like I said I feel pregnant and look it. Working last week was a little uncomfortable, I wore lead to protect my eggs but it also pushed on my ginormous ovaries and hurt a little but. I've been a little more tired than usual so I try to get at least 8 hours of sleep which normally I get about 5 so getting 8 is wonderful!!! And I sometimes take a nap in the middle of the day. I must be tired from my body making 25 follicles!!! Ya baby I have about 25 follicles in there!! Woot woot!!! So my ultrasounds are finished which is nice but during them the most painful part was finding my uterus. I have a retroverted uterus and my ovaries are so big they were in the way also. But I do miss seeing the PA. She was really nice and so helpful. She always put my mind at ease. Any Girls going through this in St. George will be blessed to have her. She is pretty awesome.

Tomorrow on Jan. 22 Egg will finally meet sperm. Celebrate!!! yay!! This means that embryo will finally meet uterus on Jan 27. I am sad I have to leave my babies up north without me for five days. Its kind of weird to think my babies will be growing outside of me for five days! And I will be back in St. George. I very excited for the next week. Not excited to WAIT to know if it works though!! I have to wait two weeks before a blood pregnancy test will be done. That is going to be the hardest part!!! Wish me luck. Hopefully my life is all about to change with the addition of one maybe two babies!!!!

IVF is in my future

Learning we had to do IVF was overwhelming but at the same time I felt a huge relief. I always told myself we wouldn't have to do IVF. That I was going to get pregnant on my own or maybe after a "little" help. I tried to have positive thinking about it. I really didn't think it was going to come to IVF and I really didn't want it to. Probably because I heard IVF was REALLY expensive and I didn't know alot about the process but in my mind IVF is the last straw, its the thing you do when everything else has failed. You kind of have to face the fact that you're running out of things to try which is a little scary. I assumed I would succeed with something before it came to IVF. Bear with me and get ready for a long post, I want to give a little history here so you can understand why I felt some "RELIEF" when I learned I had to do IVF. I had surgery on halloween of 2012.  My endometriosis was burned off, and a cyst was drained. I also got my tonsils out at the same time, I wanted one recovery time. Im glad I did it that way too. The recovery from the laparoscopy wasnt too bad, mostly lots of shoulder pain for the first couple days, then the pain from the tonsillectomy took over so Im not sure if I really had any other pain from the laparoscopy. Unfortunately this surgery did not help us get pregnant or take away my cruciating pain that I got one full week each month after month after month. I thought this pain was because of my endometriosis which Im sure was a HUGE part of it but recently I have changed doctors and my new doc found a polyp in my uterus during a water ultrasound(interesting experience, not too painful but definately uncomfortable). Jumping a little ahead to my most recent surgery to explain why I have had so much pain. I had a hysteroscopy and polpy removal on Nov 14 2013 in American Fork hospital. My mom came out from North Dakota to take care of me and support me with the recent news that I had to do IVF to get pregnant. When I woke up the doc told me it was a lot worse than he thought. Instead of just one polyp I had multiple polyps and normally he can just scrape them out but had to use cautery(burn) to remove them. Which pushed the time for my IVF cycle back because my uterus needed more time to heal. Learning about the polyps was also a relief because something could be done and since I've had that surgery I haven't been in cruciating pain! I feel liberated and I dont dread aunt flo like I used to! I've also stopped saying, "I want a hysterectomy NOW!" I never meant it because I obviously want my uterus to perform its function and protect and grow a perfect little babe for nine months but I was always really angry at my uterus for being so cruel to me!(excuse the rant) So anyawys back to my infertility history.... we were only on birth control for a few months after we got married and then I had a feeling that I should stop taking birth control, which made it even more confusing when we weren't getting pregnant. The doctor says that if you aren't preventing then you are trying. Which makes sense but sometimes I felt like, well we aren't TRYING to get pregnant so that time doesn't count but the doctor counts it so in total we have been trying to have a cute little bundle of joy for about 3 years and 9 months. ( I know there are so many others out there that have been trying for A LOT longer and I admire your strength and determination to have a family and pray for your success). There is so much stress involved when trying to have a baby and getting a negative pregnancy test month after month and for me a painful week to follow that only reminded me that I wasn't pregnant. One time my cycle didn't come for 45 days, I was POSITIVE I was pregnant, I began picking out names, staying away from paint fumes, being extra careful at work around x-ray, worrying about going on a roller coaster, afraid to eat sushi, finding fun ways to tell my family and friends, dreaming of rocking my little one to sleep, and all the other things that you plan when you think you are pregnant… well obviously mother nature came and I was HEARTBROKEN. This wasn't the first time I thought I was pregnant nor would it be the last, but it was the most convincing. Sometime after that we were scheduled to do IUI. I was excited because it was going to get me pregnant, the doctor said that IUI was made for people like me and Gavin. Well It came with more stress as well. I for the life of me could NOT figure out when I was ovulating. I was trying so many ovulation tests (the one you spit on, different brands from the store, temp, etc). It was at that time that we got overwhelmed and needed to take a break for awhile, so if the advice, “stop trying and you will get pregnant” were true then I would have a baby. Because we completely stopped for awhile and just relaxed and enjoyed life. After some time we decided to try on our own AGAIN. We were finally able to track when I was ovulating, (which did seem a little late). I bought some cheap ovulation tests on amazon and just took them twice a day so I wouldn't miss it. I wanted to know that me and Gavin REALLY tried before going back to the doctor. Just so we could feel good about it and know we weren't wasting money on infertility. Well we didn't get pregnant so back to the doctor of course because we really want a baby J We once again got set up to do IUI. For some reason I never made that phone call when my ovulation test changed. I didn’t have a good feeling about it. I felt like my body wasn’t ready(interesting because it wasn’t and my polyps were unknown at this point). I also just felt like we were missing so many steps and things. Like bloodwork, drugs, etc. Well we were praying every night to find the right doctors to help us and ones we felt confident with. I talked to my cousin who has gone through more with infertility than anyone should have to and she told me that It was really important to have a doctor I trusted and when all is said and done I would know I did everything possible. I knew she was right but feared I would never find that doctor. Fortunately our prayers were answered. It’s a long story(But good one!) on how we actually found our doctor and got our first consultation but lets just say its wasn’t by chance. We went to a free infertility seminar and immediately felt confidence in Dr. Foulk and were excited to make the switch of doctors. He is very specialized with lots of experience and we knew he was the doctor we have been looking for. That alone brought relief. Confidence in our doctor. At our consultation we expected to get set up once again to do IUI with him. We were told to bring ALL medical history for him to review. We waited in a room for about 30 minutes for him because he was reading my life history lol. He came into the room and apologized for making us wait but he wanted to read ALL of our history, I felt a little bad but glad that he was so thorough. He started explaining numbers and quickly got to the point. Its interesting but quite common that infertile people find each other. Gavin and I both smiled and laughed. He then said, Our next step for you two is IVF. WOA! WAIT! WHAT!? I wasn't sure if I was going to burst into tears or explode with this weird feeling of excitement. Gavin and I kept looking at each other for the rest of the time with almost happy tears in our eyes and definately excitement. It was so unexpected. He then got us set up to do IVF. It was all happening so fast. I remember getting into the car and neither Gavin nor I really knew what to say. We were definatley relieved though. No more tracking my ovulation, no more trying on our own just to keep failing. Now we had a plan. A plan that has worked for so many others. I have honestly been so happy and excited since I found out I have to do IVF. I of course have been through a roller coaster of emotions but can say that I am excited. Some of my feelings
- I don't want to tell ANYBODY
-I want to tell EVERYBODY
- ANXIETY about work and needing time off
-ANXIETY about needing to drive up north so much
-ANXIETY that it is the last thing to try
-ANXIETY that it wont work the first try
-ANXIETY about getting shots in my belly
-ANXIETY because I will be judged for who I choose to tell(lately everyone!)
-EXCITEMENT that it WILL work
-EXCITEMENT that I have a 30% chance of having twins, (I cant even imagine the joy of having TWO babies, I have wanted a baby for SOOO long)
-EXCITEMENT to be able to experience pregnancy and join the club with all my friends and family
-EXCITEMENT to finally be doing something serious to get my family here
-The smallest things can make me CRY, what is wrong with me?!
-HAPPINESS for telling friends and family because of all the love and support I get from them
-REGRET for telling so many people about IVF(I want to have some people excited and surprised when we announce our pregnancy.So if I haven't told you and you are reading this please dont feel bad) 
-FEAR of starting a blog and sharing these feelings, really worried people would judge me for talking about IVF on a public website. But honestly its just different for EVERYONE. I actually like the benefits of people knowing about IVF more than the fear of people knowing. 
-I don't want people to think I feel bad for myself because I am struggling to get pregnant
-I want to be perceived as a HAPPY person because I am, everyon has trials, this is just mine
- FAITH that everything will work out the way it is supposed to
-TRUST in my Father in Heaven to send me my babies when it is the right time
-KNOWLEDGE that I will have a family someday
-GRATEFULNESS for this strengthening my marriage and bringing us closer
-GRATEFULNESS for friends who have been there for me and for really inspiring comments thus far
-GRATEFULNESS for my family and their support
-GRATEFULNESS for a different perspective on having children
-GRATEFULNESS for a deeper appreciation for pregnancy and babies
-LOVE for my husband and his strength through this process


And how can I forget ANXIETY about finances. It is VERY hard when fertility isn't covered under insurance BUT totally worth it. Gavin explains it this way, "You would pay 10,000 dollars or more for a car, 100,000 dollars and most likely more for a house, so paying for a baby is the best money ever spent for what you are getting." You cant really put a price on it. 


All in all, finding out we have to do IVF has been a relief. It sounds odd but knowing my history maybe you can see why. I am really excited to do IVF. Its for sure not how I imagined my babies being conceived but as my mom pointed out to me when I told her, "how cool that we have the technology around to fertilize an egg OUTSIDE of your body and then put it back in". I am continuously praying for my babies and hope that this is my year to be a momma! :) 


I would love any feedback. It took a lot of courage to share this and I hope it can help someone else. I am sorry it isn't as upbeat and positive as my last post. As always thank YOU everyone who continuously prays for us and thinks about us and shares our hope of having little Gavin and Gina's running around. We love you and are greatful for your support. 

Love
Gina

Infertility: support from friends and family is priceless

I have so many thoughts on infertility and this is hopefully the first post of many. My goal is to laugh and cry with others who are going through similar situations and to help my friends and family know and understand what I am going through and that I am OK. I know my friends and family want to support me and be there for me. I hope that my blogging will give them a better understanding of how I feel and how I appreciate their love and support. I get comfort from friends and family who are going through or have gone through a similar journey but I also gain comfort and much support from even my most fertile friends and family. I feel from everyone around me how badly they want me to know the joys of motherhood and for that I thank them. From really young family members who tell me I will be a really fun mom to my grandma who already has sewn receiving blankets for my future little ones, I love that everyone is sharing in my dream of being a mother.I could go on and on of examples from friends and family that show me they want it for me too. They tell me all the time how they cant wait for me to be a mom, I share with them that feeling. I honestly love it when others talk about my future babies and me as a mom. It is my biggest goal and dream! It is guaranteed to make me smile when those around me talk about my future babies. I don't know if its because my friends have new babies or if its just always on my mind but lately I have felt the need to PREPARE to be a mom. As I was thinking about how to prepare and what I need to do I realized I have the best examples all around me. I know that for some going through infertility it is hard to be around other babies because it is a painful reminder of what you don't have but for the most part I haven't experienced that. Which I am grateful for. My friends and relatives that are moms are so amazing! I look up to them and hope to be as good of a mom as they are. I know that being around these mothers I am being prepared to be a momma. Sometimes I am sad that I don't get to share the joys of motherhood with them but I realize that because of my situation I have the opportunity to learn from them longer. Even though I don't understand what it is like to be pregnant or be a mom I enjoy their conversations because it prepares me. I can tell that sometimes people hesitate around me when talking about motherhood or pregnancy. Sometimes I think I get quiet and reserved but lately I see it in a new light. I see it as an opportunity to gain as much knowledge from them as possible. Since this feeling of the need to PREPARE to be a mom I have been paying a lot closer attention to what they do. Its amazing how much I am learning! I still feel that I will never feel prepared to be a mom but I think its important that when life gives you lemons make lemonade. Why waste time feeling sorry for myself and not going around cute babies when I could be preparing to be the best mom I can be. My dream is to be a mom so I know I will accomplish it one way or another. That knowledge has gotten me through hard times. I KNOW I will be a mom. I am learning patience which I wasn't good at in the beginning but honestly Im getting better at it. I never thought that would happen. I know however that If I want something I have to work for it. I know people have good intent but the comment, "just relax" "don't stress" "stop trying" "if you relax you will get pregnant" really bugs me. It bothers me for a few reasons. 1. I've tried not trying to get pregnant. After a year and a half of trying it got really stressful so we decided to take a break for awhile so if that advice was true I would be pregnant. 2. Getting pregnant is my DREAM. I am going to do EVERYTHING possible to make my dream come true, so of course Im going to try and go through stressful things to try to make it happen. and of course im going to stress because ive failed at getting pregnant SO many times before. And relax? You try relaxing when you have to give yourself a shot in your belly EVERY day. 3. When someone tells you that they are having a hard time getting pregnant and you say my sisters friends uncle tried for 10 years and got pregnant when they stopped trying.You are essentially telling me to give up NOW and I've only been trying for Four years. I don't want to stop trying. I still have hope, it would be impossible to "stop trying" at this point in my journey. Okay I didn't want to rant but I think its important people understand WHY that comment in particular is so frustrating. I hear it the most. I know people don't mean for it to be rude but it really is.  Advice isn't the best thing to give out when you just learn of their struggles. Just listen. Later on if you know something that really may be helpful then yeah you should share. By then though you will probably know what they have tried. I know I did say that it wasn't hard for me to be around babies but I did have one experience somewhat recently. I was holding a newborn and just started crying. I was a little confused because I always thought I wouldn't be that girl who couldn't be around babies because of infertility. Maybe it was because I hadn't held a newborn in awhile and my infertility journey just keeps getting longer. The longer time goes on and the more times we fail to get pregnant the harder it gets. In the beginning you tell yourself, its only been a year and it takes a lot of people this long to get pregnant. Well now it has been 4 years so the thoughts of my infertility change. I do think it was maybe difficult to hold a baby but honestly I think maybe the biggest reason I started crying was because I got the feeling that someday I WILL get to hold a newborn and that baby will be MY newborn. Other than that one experience of crying while holding that beautiful baby girl It hasn't been too terribly difficult to be around babies. Maybe that will change as time goes on but for now I am glad I can be around all of my friends new babies and enjoy them. I am sad that others going through infertility have a difficult time being around babies. I can see how it would be difficult. Well this post is getting to be incredibly long, I am grateful for all the mothers around me. I know that when it is my turn to be a mom I have so many resources!! I am really doing okay. Yes some of the things I have to go through are hard but its also my dream, so of course I am excited through this process!! Me and Gavin are doing everything we can to accomplish our dreams! I appreciate very much everyone's Love and countless prayers. Thank you!! We love you!